Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Are you feeling the love?

Although I haven't posted in a week I've been having a loving week in blogland. I'm feeling the love you could say.

I got a nice email from Baz and a mention on his blog (which he recently decided to start posting on again FYI)

I've been emailing back and forth over the last few weeks with another guy who lives in Brissy. (Hey Steve :D) It's good to chat to someone who knows Brisbane. (Note to self: Start referring to Brisbane more often).

I also got awesome email from a guy name Graham. I love getting encouraging emails!

Also thanks to google analytics I managed to come accross a few blogs that have linked me. I was also the first follower on two of these blogs. Thats right bitches! You heard it here first! lol I know what its like to get a shoutout when your still getting your blog up and running so go and leave a comment and say hi :D

So please give a warm welcome to:

Late Bloowming Ian

New Beginnings


Thanks for linking me guys!

Also while in google analytics I found that quite a popular blog has linked me. Its really cool I'm not sure what his name is but his blog is called Puntabulous.

So I'm feeling extra loved this week. Thanks ya'll. Also what is going on in blogland. Everyone is talking about this 'gay day' and taking pictures of their desks. WTF?

In other news: I've moved back home. Its good and bad but luckily only temproary.

Love you all


Sunday, June 21, 2009

I'm outta the closet

I'm not really sure what came over me but I've been coming out to everyone this weekend. I kinda thought fuck it! Its an odd kinda feeling. Everyone's coming out story is different. For me there was no huge relief it just felt normal. I was talking about myself openly and honestly for the first time in my life.

I'm happy with who I am so I never worried about anyones reaction. I felt nervous telling people at first but it got easier with each one. I've never really came accross anyone homophobic before. I'm sure I will though. There is a part of me which relieved. There were things before that I couldnt say or comment on and now I can.

Everyone is really happy for me. Some will say "I told you so" and some say "No your not - your joking with me". I've had some interesting things happen since though.

My inbox is now flooded with half naked men emails from some of my female friends. I've also watched gay porn with some of my straight friends. I've also drank more than I have in my life. It seems everyone wants to celebrate my gayness lol. Its been a fun weekend. One that I will remember for ever.

I was sick of living in the closet. I know I said before that I never felt the 'weight on my shoulders' but what did get to me was that I couldn't waste another day not being my true self.

I feel on top of the world at the moment. To all you closeted guys. Do what you're comfortable with there are alot of people in tough situations but know that it's better on the other side.

Love you all

A Proud Gay man named Andrew

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Sugar Daddy

This week I was asked out for a date!!! OMG you're thinking this is great news! Well you're wrong! It was one of the most creepy and uncomfortable experiences of my life. Here is how it all went down.

So I'm at work and this older gentleman (at least twice my age) comes up to the bar. He is friendly and I am my usual friendly self and we chat briefly everytime he gets another drink. He was pretty chatty and was tipping quite well so I was happy to have a brief conversation. Everything seems fine at this stage.

Anyway I see him scribbling down some notes on a piece of paper. I get this odd feeling that whatever he is writing down is for me. Sure enough it is.

He hands me this folded piece of paper and goes back to his seat. I hold the note. I'm pretty sure I know exactly what this is. BTW - is it still acceptable to write notes to pick up people?

So I go out the back behind the bar where he can't see me and open this note and this is what it says:

"Dear Andrew

I know we've just met however I need to be discreet and hope that you do the same. I was hoping we could have a drink when you finish work or maybe more.

Guys name
Guys phone number "

I immediately felt sick. This creepy guy was trying to pick me up at work. Not only did he immaturely pass me a note. But he also went back to his seat and stared at me. He didn't have the guts to talk to me but he expected me to come over and talk to him about the note. So I panicked. I got someone to cover the bar and I hid. I felt sick. Why was he hanging around? I couldnt go back out into the bar.

Half an hour passes and I tried to build up the courage to go and talk to him but I freaked out. In the end he ended up finding me and cornering me alone. He put his hand on my shoulder. He asked me about the note. I said that he was making me feel uncomfortable and that I thought he should leave.

He would have to be in his 50's. I'm 21 FFS! My dad isn't even 50! Looking back and reflecting I feel even worse about some of the things he said. It didn't seem to out of the ordinary at the time. But I gave out too much information about myself. I'm an honest person and he took advantage of that.

After all this happened I had 2 nights off work and when I went back to work I found out that this guy had been in both nights. Luckily he didn't come back in that night. Work isnt supposed to be a place you feel uncomfortable but everytime I walk around a corner I see his face and have to do a double take.

Luckily I have amazing Karate skills. (just kidding lol)


P.S. Tyler - I will email you soon! Haven't had a chance yet! Thanks buddy :D

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Hetero Sex & Gay Pride

So thanks for the comments on Part 1. I thought I should clarify something. This wasn't a recent event this was a few years ago. I've come along way since then and tt was kinda a turning point for me sexuality wise.

So I wen't soft when I was with this girl. I was mortified. I really don't know what was going on. I was quite drunk at the time and that was what I blamed it on but I knew deep down that I just wasnt attracted to the opposite sex. I hate to say that I had to test drive having sex with a female to be sure but I had to. We kinda fooled around for a bit after that. I didnt finish myself but she sure made did. I had a restless sleep that night. The next morning was awkward. We just hung out for a bit then I dropped her home. She was still really interested in me and I was just confused. I was a real jerk. I didnt return text messages or phone calls for about a week. I wanted to let her down easy but I knew that being the guy I am I would end up on another date out of sympathy. So I ignored her until she got the point and sent me an angry email. I have ran into her a few times since and she has tried to 'hook up' with me but I know I'm gay now and maybe one day I will explain why I was such a jerk. I don't really want any girl to think that they 'turned me agay' cause that isn't the case.

It got me thinking about being others being bi. Alot of people say that being bi is like 'on the way to gay town' but they just cant admit it. But I really think if you can sleep with guys and gals then there really is such a thing. I know I'm not attracted to women. I never have been. But I always dreamt of falling in love with a sweet girl and having a happy family. I guess they're dreams for a reason.


In other news. Today I was talking to this guy who works near me. He comes in to where I work all the time. I always thought he was cute. But thought he was straight. Well he comes up to me today and is like 'you should have come to Pride today'. I was kinda shocked .. like pride? does he mean gay pride? I don't know if this was some kinda attempt to see if I was gay. But I kinda was unsure about what he was talking about until I clarified it with someone else later. I did see him about 5 minutes later and he looked really upset. Poor thing. I feel like he took a risk to talk to me about gay pride and I kinda reacted like a uncomfortable straight guy.

Is it ok to assume someone is gay because they went to gay pride? Should I clarify things with him? I feel bad. Truth is I was just caught off guard at the time. Dam me and my lack of gay knowledge How did I not now about the gay pride parade in my own city?

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Heterosexual Sex

Wow! I Should be asleep (or at least be replying to a important email to Baz - Sorry Baz!) But I was thinking about my sexual experiences today and I thought I should share.

So I've had what the straight people call 'sex' before. It was a defining moment in my life and a kinda embarrassing story. Here goes.

So I met this girl through a mutual friend one night lets call her Betty-Sue (BS for short). Betty-Sue is a friend of a friend and we met while bar hopping in Brisbanes nightclubs. We got talking and several vodka redbulls later there was some grinding on the dance floor happening and a bit of eye contact going on (I was freaking out that I might actually seduce a girl). This girl seems really nice and pretty but kinda clingy and definately horny. We end up having a kiss on the dance floor (eww girl germs). So anyway she was staying with her friends place for the night and I was staying at my place and we didnt really take anything further that night. I was still questioning myself at the time. I was asking myself questions like 'can I just stick it in and I will be fine?' or 'I kinda like guys but for the moment can just have sex and forget about these thoughts?'

So the next day she added me on facebook and tags me in various photos where I'm drunk as a skunk. We get talking online and she is totally full on. She wants to go on a date. She thinks I'm great and wants to get together. (Side note: as I'm writing this I'm thinking what the hell was I doing?). So we organise a first date. We spent the afternoon together doing typical first date things and I invited her back to my place for a few drinks my housemates and I were having. Totally bad idea.

Things were kinda awkward on the first date. I mean it wasn't a first date cause I totally got to second with her a few weeks before on a dance floor in public but I really was just freaking out on the inside. She plans to spend the night and I told her to crash in my bed with me. We've been drinking alot and I've built up the courage to go through with this. So we get into bed and I'm fully dressed. I really didnt want anything to happen. Betty-Sue strips off completely naked and tells me to do the same (so much for foreplay). I do as told. So we're kissing and touching and everythings fine. Everything feels good. How far is this gonna go? I don't wanna sleep with BS. Is it too late to ask if we can just be friends? haha.

So I think I said something like 'I don't think we should sleep together tonight'. What kinda straight guy says that? I was trying to buy some time for myself obviously. She is not ok with this and is very persistant. She wants to have sex tonight and she is in control. So I decided I would do this. How bad could it be? We get into position and I'm having trouble figuring out what I should be doing. I've never been paid much attention to any of the females in the porn I've watched. What am I supposed to do? I kinda 'poked' around and found where I was aiming for. Actually I think she helped me with this. We were getting into things and I'm totally disgusted. I do not find BS attractive. It just feels completely wrong

Here comes the incredibly embarrassing part. I went soft on her. Oh dear.

I hate to be a tease but I'm tired. I will finish this as soon as I can.

While I have you attention. Thanks to the new followers! I try to link everyone who follows me so I will try get this done asap.

Also thanks for your feedback about my previous post on 'Questions of Sexuality'. You all had some great advice. All of it was very encouraging so thank you.

Keep it real.