Sunday, January 31, 2010

Oh boy you've left me speechless!

Time to vent.

I was involved with an awkward situation this evening. I personally believe that I attract creepy men. I often feel like weak prey for creepy people to pounce on.

Tonight I was hit on by a 3o something year old guy at my work place. This person was sober from my observation. Firstly I am forbidden to 'hook up' with guests at my workplace. Although it is the environment where the situation arises. Security cameras fortunately stop this temptation. Although this situation I was not tempted.

If you come to my workplace with your wife and child you would have to think I was stupid to think that I would be a homewrecker. I also don't hit on someone while they're working. Its not the kinda place you would like to be hit on. It's not fair. I have to be professional. Anything I say or do while at work could affect my employment. I don't like to be sneaky its the reason I don't like 'hookups' I'm not looking for just sex I want passion I want love. Does it exist in the gay world?

This guy assured me that he has never done this before but wanted to do something later. He even offered to rent a room at a hotel. He was persistent. He didn't give up. He kept asking if I was shy and if I had changed my mind. I asked him what his wife thought of this. He was quite shocked by this question and said he didn't have a wife but had a girlfriend. He also told me he was only in town for the evening.

Who are these people? Is this situation actually that bad? I felt sick to my stomach. I saw his wife. I saw his kid. Are you a closeted married man? Or are you simply curious? I don't like rejection but I was firm. I told you several times I wasn't interested. Why go that bit further and just creep me out.

Its got me thinking though. One of my colleagues tried to 'In' me. He said he knows I'm gay but has never seen me hit on someone or allowed someone to hit on me. Should I just loosen up a bit and go with the flow? Am I putting to much pressure on what I want and not living in the moment? So confused right now.

On another note what is the deal with straight guys? When they find out I'm gay theyre like I won't go all the way with you but we could fool around. I mean thats hot but straight guys can fuck with your head! I've got a whole other post to write about straight guys uhh! Where are the normal people?

Any thoughts? Am I being stupid?


Saturday, January 30, 2010

Love love love! I want your love!

So a couple of you have asked for an update on my crush. I've got good and bad news. The overall deal is 'Blah' I don't know what to think or how to feel. See my previous post if you don't know what I'm talking about.

So we were at the local club a week later. All my friends knew I had a thing for him so when he walked over my friends conveniently disappeared and he said to me "They were talking about me weren't they". I grew some balls and replied "its just because I think you're cute" to which he said nothing! From there one of my friends was chatting to him and she asked what his 'type' was and apparently I'm not it. My friend politely broke the news to me with 2 shots of jager ready to go! That night ended with me incredibly drunk and heartbroken. Its funny to say heartbroken when I barely know him but I honestly felt heartbroken. It's fun to have a crush regardless if nothing happens its just fun to have someone you're hoping to run into or someone to look good for :) Maybe I was crushbroken.

From there I was in the 'Fuck him!' stage and was just annoyed. Then a few days later he approaches me at work when he's quite drunk and I'm completely sober and says "Can I have a word with you?". We step over to the side as I mentally prepare myself for a second rejection face to face. He leans in and says "What are you doing later tonight I was hoping we could hang out." If you could see my face it would have had that 'WTF' expression. I was so confused. It sounded like he wanted a one night stand which is not what I'm looking for. I really just want a boyfriend. I told him I was busy but maybe some other time.

I really don't know what to do about this one. I don't think we really 'click' personality wise. I don't know if I'm putting to much pressure on the situation but I just don't have anything to talk to him about. I just don't know what to say when he's around.

Do you guys have any thoughts? Am I going down a dead end road?


Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I think I'm in crush!

Happy New Years to everyone! I hope 2010 is going to be your year! My new years was pretty boring... actually the entire holiday season was quite boring.. I worked through the whole period including Christmas day and a 15 hour shift on New Years Eve which rolled into New Years day. But I made the most of it and made some good money.

2010 has started off with a bit of a crush which I'm excited about. I'm completely unaware when someone is hitting on me. Probably cause its in a drinking environment and I've had a few too many. But I was just chatting to this random guy who was with a friend who I assumed was his girlfriend and well my friends came and dragged me onto the dancefloor and I thought nothing of it. The odd thing was that I kept bumping into him all night and I still didnt think anything of it until the next day when my friend asked who he was and told me that he kept trying to dance with me. I really don't have alot of evidence but thinking back it feels like maybe he was trying to hit on me.

I didnt even think he was gay not that you can look at someone and tell but I just wasnt getting the vibe. OMG he is so cute and was so sweet to talk to. The good thing is is that I live in a small touristy town and everyone goes to this club on the same night every week and one of my friends said he was there last week also so fingers crossed he's there next week.
*UPDATE* HE IS GAY! I kinda stalked him on facebook.. my bad

So what is everyones New Years resolutions? I wanna have a healthier lifestyle and get out and see some more of the world.