Thursday, May 28, 2009

Questions of Sexuality

Firstly - sorry for not posting as regularly as I should be. I've been slack and life has been kinda uneventful. Thanks for all the comments I've received recently they are greatly appreciated. I get some well thought and encouraging comments and I actually listen and put your ideas into action.

Tonight's post is about questions of sexuality.

It's funny that people won't directly ask me what my sexual orientation is. I don't know if they don't want to offend me if I was straight, whether its inappropriate to directly ask someone or whether it's all in my head. Either way there is definitely some questions which are directed towards me and my sexual oreintation.

Examples of these questions are as follows:
  • Where do you go clubbing?
  • Do you ever go to (inset common gay club here) ?
  • Do you think (insert females name here) is attractive?
  • She has a nice ass. What do you think?
  • Do you have a partner? (Note the use of the politically correct term 'patner')
  • Do you like penis? (Lol that one is just a joke)
I really think I have people on their toes. I think its fun to play with their minds a bit. For example "do you ever go to 'gay club/?" my answer would be something confusing like "I've been there a few times, do you know its a gay club?". It's fun to keep people guessing. It's also my decision to let people know what my orientation is and to be honest alot of the time its no ones business. I also think its unfair to be out to random strangers when I am closeted some friends/family.

I can't remember the last time I was directly asked if I was gay. It would have to be years ago when I struggled with the thought. If I was directly asked today and didn't want this person to know I think I would honestly struggle to deny it. I think thats a great thing though. I'm comfortable with myself and who I am and don't want to label myself as straight and have to correct this in future. I also hate having to reject girls without a honest answer.

Thats my little story of the day. Inspired by someone who said "they were trying to figure me out". They didn't get too far... well today anyway.

Thanks to all my new followers .. wait... all my followers! I have 30 special followers. I appreciate every one of you!


Monday, May 18, 2009

You've gotta see this!


Extra! Extra! Read all about it! The one the only Baz is blogging!

Before you check out his blog which is here! I have to say that Baz has been the most supportive online buddy to me. Baz is always there with advice and takes the time to write me thoughtful emails. I know he genuinely cares and that means alot to me.

So I've been kinda demanding him to start posting (he says I'm a terrier) however Bob gave him the plug he needed and he's now written his first post (which isn't technical related).

I know I can't wait to here Baz's story. So drop by his blog 'just gotta ride it' and give him some encouragement.

Luv ya Baz!


Friday, May 15, 2009

Those words I just can't say

So I've noticed there have been few posts recently on other blogs about coming out etc. It's got me thinking about myself and how I can't wait to be out to everyone in my life.

So I'm 21 years old and I know thats young and all but I feel like I should of come out when I was in my late teens. I guess the problem was is that I didn't come out to myself until I was 20. Before then if I was ever asked if I was gay I would deny it. So whats the hold up? I feel like I lost my window of oppotunity. I remember an awkward conversation with my Mum when I was 16/17 (she always interrogates me with painful questions while we're alone in the car so I can't avoid things). My Mum gives me the oppotunity to come out. She asks me if I'm gay. At this stage I'm in highschool and there is no way I want to do this. I thought I'm just going to bottle this up and deal with it another time. So I told my Mum I was straight. I lied. I know she didn't buy it.

Coming out to my parents isn't a problem. They would love a gay son. I know that they know. (They found gay porn on the computer when I was curious and 13/14 I think. But why can't I just say it! Time is ticking. Do I have to utter those words? Does it have to be acknowledged? Why can't I do it? My coming out is so simple. There isn't anyone I know who wouldn't accept me for who I am. It's 2009! I'm sure I have people guessing and appreciate that the majority of them haven't questioned my sexuality. I don't ever try to act straight. But am I being myself? I just don't want to have people guessing behind my back about my sexuality. I'm not flamboyant or anything but I'm not a blokey bloke.

I think I have to do it soon. I really wanted my parents to be the first to hear it from me (too late now). I think thats the least they deserve. Our relationship which is already great could only get stronger.

Time is ticking!!!! Gotta do this soon!

Any thoughts? ideas? concerns?


P.S. Everyone have a great weekend :)

Friday, May 8, 2009

He asked me for a blowjob!

I really hate to make this my third post about the redhead who has a crush on me at work who I am not interested in (see my the first and second post) but I am! It's my final though. I pinky promise!

So this week has been hectic ... sorry I've been slack posting. I'm going to make this quick cause its Friday night and it's drinking time!

Ok so this week I've worked with _____ 3 times and its gradually started freaking me out more and more. I was interrogated by my manager who asked me if I felt uncomfortable (she had noticed this extra attention I was receiving) I lied and said I didn't feel uncomfortable, only because I didn't want to make it awkward if she said something to him.

Anyway I had to ask him to do me a favour and grab me another vodka bottle or something and he says to me 'only if you give me a blowjob' *jaw drops*. So I slapped him! I slapped him like a girl who has just been called a whore!

Just kidding I didnt slap him. I nervously laughed it off and didn't say anything. Inside I was like 'aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!'. I mentioned it to one of the other bar staff and they we're like 'you've got to draw a line and stop this if you're not interested'. I didn't think of it any more that night. But did worry if he was being serious or just fooling around.

*skips two days ahead*

I arrive at work tonight and my manager comes up to me and says 'Andrew, you don't have to worry about _______ anymore he no longer works here. At this point I feel sick that I've had someone fired and my immediate reaction is to ask if it was related to me. I got no response. NOTHING! Just a simple 'thats all I can say he no longer works here'.

I feel terrible. I should have worked things out before it meant him losing his job! I don't have his number so I can't contact him to see if he's ok and to explain myself. But I don't want to contact him because he might think I care for him more than a friend. I don't think there is really more I can do? I wonder if I will ever know what really happened? Maybe he quit? No one said he was fired. I was just told 'he no longer works here'. Maybe he was confronted about the issue and was embarrassed and quit? I tried to get more out of the manager but that's all I could get.

I know it's not my fault (it's hard being so irresistible) but I can't help but think I could of done things differently.Oh well. I can't change what's already happened.

I'm about to start my second drink for the evening! Maybe I feel better about things after a few more.

Still nicknameless!

P.S. I heard the funniest phrase today. Lol someone said to me ' I'm hungrier than I Nun's vagina!' Politically incorrect but I couldn't stop laughing.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I'll take a risk and give it a shot!

Incase you missed my previous post and you have no idea what I'm talking about below it's here. Firstly I just want to thank everyone for their comments. You guys had some great advice.

Today I came to the conclusion that he likes me, we're gay and work romance is totally hot! So I'll give it a shot! I'll take him out the back to the storeroom and have my way with him.

You wish jellyFISH! I got ya! I'm not desperate/ a manwhore.

My real conclusion is that he is a really nice guy and I only have friendship to gain. I'm not interested and as most of you suggested I shouldn't put up a barrier and I won't (well maybe a little white picket fence). I do have concerns about how things will go. I'm happy to have a conversation with him or a general chat but the more we work together the more he is trying to get me to open up and I don't want to enter that 'zone'. He tried get me alone in the car park after work tonight and I just kinda got in my car and locked the door incase he came after me. Gee I'm cruel.

It was awkward cause I was telling my housemates the story and they surprised me by coming down to the bar the next night to see what I was talking about (just to tease me mainly) and they talked to him briefly. They don't think I should go there. It's hard to go into details as to 'why exactly' I don't want to as some are superficial things and some are personality things etc. I don't want to offend anyone. Cough redhead Cough.

Moving on *thinks of a new topic*

Thanks to all those new followers! I've got 24 followers and I've only been posting for a couple of weeks so thanks for your support. Everyone check out this new blog by Miles. He's done his first post and he's 21 and an Aussie like me. Everyone go welcome him!

It's a long weekend here in Australia. I've got a wedding to go to tomorrow and no work Monday so I can party hard haha. What to wear hmm...

Oh I was also thinking that Andrew sounds very formal. I like my name but I find it a bit out of place when I see it mentioned on blogs/comments. Maybe you guys could suggest a nickname lol. Maybe Andy or the Azza? haha. Let me know what you think. I think I smell my first poll coming on! lol

That's all folks :)