Followers

Friday, May 15, 2009

Those words I just can't say

So I've noticed there have been few posts recently on other blogs about coming out etc. It's got me thinking about myself and how I can't wait to be out to everyone in my life.

So I'm 21 years old and I know thats young and all but I feel like I should of come out when I was in my late teens. I guess the problem was is that I didn't come out to myself until I was 20. Before then if I was ever asked if I was gay I would deny it. So whats the hold up? I feel like I lost my window of oppotunity. I remember an awkward conversation with my Mum when I was 16/17 (she always interrogates me with painful questions while we're alone in the car so I can't avoid things). My Mum gives me the oppotunity to come out. She asks me if I'm gay. At this stage I'm in highschool and there is no way I want to do this. I thought I'm just going to bottle this up and deal with it another time. So I told my Mum I was straight. I lied. I know she didn't buy it.

Coming out to my parents isn't a problem. They would love a gay son. I know that they know. (They found gay porn on the computer when I was curious and 13/14 I think. But why can't I just say it! Time is ticking. Do I have to utter those words? Does it have to be acknowledged? Why can't I do it? My coming out is so simple. There isn't anyone I know who wouldn't accept me for who I am. It's 2009! I'm sure I have people guessing and appreciate that the majority of them haven't questioned my sexuality. I don't ever try to act straight. But am I being myself? I just don't want to have people guessing behind my back about my sexuality. I'm not flamboyant or anything but I'm not a blokey bloke.

I think I have to do it soon. I really wanted my parents to be the first to hear it from me (too late now). I think thats the least they deserve. Our relationship which is already great could only get stronger.

Time is ticking!!!! Gotta do this soon!

Any thoughts? ideas? concerns?

Andrew

P.S. Everyone have a great weekend :)

15 comments:

Baz said...

Andrew, go back and read ur post again. Haven't u answered ur own questions?
Luv

Daniel said...

Get into a relationship. Surely that would speed things up.

goleftatthefork said...

I'm nearly 40 and still can't come to terms with my orientation - but I would ask a different question - are you able to live your life the way you want to? to get into the relationship that you want without worrying about the outside world? if the answers are yes then why is it anyone's business whether you are gay or straight? just live your life to the fullest, maybe you don't need to make a big announcement to the world

Micky said...

I go a bit with Daniel - though I don't know you Dan, er, hi!- coz I don't think U need to wait till U R in a relationship BUT it wld be gd if you built up the folk who have heard it from your own lips just so's if you shld get a bad react from someone, then U have other(s) on whose shoulders U can cry.

Could well be something U decide to do with your folks q simply the next time U see them. or U cld do what I did which is get a boy (friend) who knew it all and was gay himself and then told them.

I soon had my Mum onside - it took 3 yrs for dad to come around but I knew many more gay folk by then and loads of everyday friends, work etc. knew I was gay.

Put The Lotion In The Basket said...

Im 19 and out to my parents, friends and anyone who meets me.
I think you have done the hardest part, coming out to yourself is always the hardest thing. I found by coming out I wasn't cutting people out of my life, I could chose to either include them or otherwisdse in things I was doing. I'm a lot happier now.
Your parents sound as if their love for you would always include your happiness, take your time maybe write some ideas down, practice saying them, things will get focussed that way I think and lastly just good luck man^^
Nick

naturgesetz said...

I agree with goleftatthefork as far as everybody but your parents. For your parents, since you have directly denied being gay to them there is a matter of removing the falsehood. Even if they really know the truth, your denial on the record makes it impossible for them to acknowledge the truth.

It won't be easy, but maybe if you say something along the lines of "Do you remember four years ago when you asked if I was gay and I said I wasn't. At that point I was also telling myself I was straight. But a short while ago I admitted to myself that I am gay, and I don't want what I said back then to be my last word to you on the subject." Add something about appreciating how supportive they have always been and how much you love them, if the conversation doesn't take off at that point.

If you can't bring yourself to tell them (or your Mum) face to face, write a letter, and mail it to them. I understand how you feel about saying the words. There will never be the perfect time to tell them unless they ask directly, and you don't want to wait for that, because it may never come, and that would leave you with this uncorrected falsehood between you. So any time will do. And waiting won't make it any easier.

If you were afraid that they would be grief-stricken or reject you, that would be a reason to keep quiet with them. If your Mum hadn't asked, you could leave it unspoken. But as it is, I think you should force yourself to correct the record.

And again, I see no need to initiate a disclosure to others. If they don't ask, they are respecting your privacy, and you are entitled to that respect and that privacy.

Gauss Jordan said...

It's a little difficult to create that perfect moment when you can say that all-important phrase. I created it when I visited them specifically to have that conversation.

Of course I got interrogated too. Some of the Q's on my blog were funny. Some a little scary. :-P

It's great that you have that environment. My friends are creating that for me here.

By the way, just what is a "blokey bloke?" lol

~G.

Seth said...

As always naturgesetz provides spot-on advice, and so do all the other commentors.

I think that you have an opportunity to come out - with it under your control (as opposed to being "forced" out or something awkward and spontaneous) - so yes, you can "plan" it and figure out the right way.

Many of us who are out regret not doing it sooner, or better, or more easily. But you have already passed one huge hurdle, coming out to yourself - and feeling comfortable with yourself.

And yes, I think you justify yourself in your third paragraph - there is nothing holding you back from this - and in fact it will probably relieve a huge burden on your mind.

Don't feel bad about the "lie" to them - they will certainly understand, especially if you phrase it and explain it correctly.

Cheers, and best luck!

Sebastian/school/dutch/ said...

I know this is nothing to do with the post but your ADDICTED to twilight

ME TO

lol

great books

Sebastian

Sethy said...

Hey Andrew...

Yeah, the guys have a covered a lot.. I agree with the first from Baz though. I think you already know that you want to. And yeah, I go with the scripting too. Write a few ideas down, practice to see if they sound right.

Hugs

Sethy

cvn70 said...

Andrew

Yo cant say those words because its hard to do so. Its hard to believe its true i knowand wonder what others will say. You want ot hitnk its alright and it shoud be as we ahvent urtanyone or anything but its hard. Its probably not what you wanted but its what we are and when you can say those words, and i never did btw, i think you will be better for it

take care and be safe

bob

billy said...

How I came out to some people was just to tell them, "hey I'm just going to (insert name of notorious gay venue)"

Then it was up to them to start the conversation.

A trip to Sydney at Mardi Gras time? And bring back a boyfriend!

Deadwing said...

i'm gonna be 33 in a few weeks, and i would sell my soul to go back in time and come out when i was a teenager, or even when i was 21. my life has been, and continues to be a lonely, cold miserable hell. even knowing that most of my family would disown me, i wish i would have come out a long time ago. now i'm old, out of shape and losing my hair. my chances of finding a partner now are pretty slim. 10 years ago, i would have had a chance at happiness, but not anymore. my advice, the sooner you come out the better. good luck with your decision.

naturgesetz said...

@ Deadwing — From the vantage point of a 66-year-old, let me advise you that your possibilities are not ending as you reach 33. Don't give up hope.

You know I advise looking for close friendship, rather than a sexual relationship. But in any event you are not doomed to a lonely life. There is plenty of time for others to enter your life and remain.

Xtubebazars.com said...

I LIKE YOUR SITED
REAL IT IS 100% LIKEFULLY
I HOPE YOU ALL TIME POST NEW AND LATES ALL
THNX.................................


»»»»»BANGLA POPULAR SEX VIDEOS
=====================================


»»»»»INDIAN NEW SEX VIDEOS
=====================================



»»»»»» TAMIL MODEL NEW SEX VIDEOS
======================================



»»»»»»INDIAN SCHOOL BOY AND GIRLS SEX VIDEOS
======================================



»»»»»YANGON LITTEL BOY AND GIRLS SEX VIDEOS
======================================



»»»»»»INDIAN BOY SEX WITHE FRIENDS MOTHER
======================================



»»»»»»»BANGKOK HOTEL SEX VIDEOS NEW
======================================



»»»»»»»»JAKARTA PORN STAR REAL REP VIDEOS
======================================



»»»»»»»»KUALA LUMPUR LITTEL GIRLS SEX WITHE 5 BOY
======================================



»»»»»»»»SINGAPORE BARPARTE REPING SEX VIDEOS
======================================



»»»»»»»»HONG KONG SCHOOL MASTER SEX WITHE STUDEK
======================================



»»»»»»»»BANGLADESH SCHOOL BOY SEX WITHE MADAM
======================================



»»»»»»»»BANGLA SEX STORY AND VIDEOS
======================================



»»»»»»»»BANGLADESH MODEL SEX VIDEOS WITH DIRECTOR
======================================



»»»»»»»» WEP CAMP SEX VIDEOS AND PHOTO
======================================



»»»»»»»»TAMIL SEX MOVES SEX PART-3
======================================



»»»»»»»»MADRAJE MODEL LUBNA NEW SEX VIDEOS
======================================



»»»»»»»»HOT MODEL TESHA SEX WITH HER BOY FRIEND
======================================



»»»»»»»»INDIAN MOM SEX WITH SONS FIRENDS
======================================









































































































































































»»»»»»»»IF YOUR WANT TO SEE NEW ALL KIND SEX VIDEOS AND PHOT NOW VIJET THIS WEP-WWW.XTUBEBAZARS.COM



======================================