Your diamond words melted into some ice

When I think about myself a year ago I think about my views on relationships and sex. I never believed that a monogamous relationship could exist in the gay community. I really thought I was destined for a life of games and heartbreak. A life of cheat and betrayal. This opinion was my instinct, my protection from getting hurt. My expectation was so low i lived without hope. This gets me wondering if other's feel the same. What life changing moment instilled these thoughts in my head. When I found love how much did I fight it to prevent getting hurt ?

Today I have the discussion with my partner Mark. Well not so much as the discussion but the argument. My point is with these views on relationships how long does my 'get out of jail free card' last? Sometimes I do feel this way. Can I really make a valid point that I'm actually doing good considering my previous commitment issues? And when I say commitment issues where they ever real? Or is this another 'get out of jail free card?' I take love for granted. I have no idea how it happened but it has. In less than one year I've gone from living alone and independently to living with my boyfriend. Not only living with my boyfriend but becoming dependant on another person. I lost my main source of income and I'm comfortable depending on him while I take a break, I can't sleep without him in our bed. I tell him everything. Do I know this person? Where did he come from?

Don't get me wrong I'm happier than I could of ever imagined and I'm not really sure what my point is?

I'm not even a year into my relationship and I know it's going to last. No doubt in my mind. I'm not blind in this relationship.
The puppy love hasn't worn off but I know that it takes effort to keep love alive. Anyone out there been in a long-term relationship who has some advice?


Never give up on love

Andrew

P.S. I know its been a while since I updated this little blog of mine but if anyone has an questions for me I'd be more than happy to answer them. Leave em' in the comment section or email them to boyaboutbrisbane@gmail.com

'Just give in. Don't give up baby'

So its been around five or six months since I last posted. Shame on me. Why am I blogging? I had the urge. Does this mean I'm back in blogworld on a regular basis? Unlikely.

Well where to start? I don't want the first thing I write to be 'I have a boyfriend' because that sounds like thats all thats going on in my life. But thats essentially what this blog is about. Its about my love life. No one wants to hear about how I love my job or my favourite tv show. lol

So yes I have a boyfriend and things are going really well with him. In the beginning we had our ups and downs. Then I stopped thinking with my head and followed my heart and I'm so happy where its gotten me.

It all started several months ago.

Mark and I actually work together (different departments) and our workplace parties together quite regularly. I had a bet going with my friend that Mark was gay. She ended up asking him about it and he said he wasn't. I didnt buy it. So that night one by one everyone started leaving and finally we were left alone. Mark invited me to his place to have a few more drinks. Well to put a long story short. He had never felt an attraction to guys before he met me and he has only ever had straight relationships/sex. (I know what you're thinking I TURNED ONE). We fooled around a little that night and continued fooling around that week.

My head ended up going crazy... I didnt like that I was his first guy. I felt I had to make this an amazing experience, one that wouldnt turn him off men for the rest of his life. I don't know what I was thinking but my head was messing with my head so much that I could never cum when I was with him. So I ended things. We continued hooking up. Same deal. I ended things. He kept trying and trying and trying to make me believe that he actually wanted to be with me and in the end I said fuck it and gave Mark another chance and things are amazing. Its still puppy love and I never want it to wear off. I think what makes Mark different is he's just a regular guy, theres no bullshit, no games or drama (and the sex in amazing).

I have some something so simple that was shared with me by a friend and I want to share it to you:

'Keep yourself open to the idea that there is someone out there for you however the second you stop looking for love is the second it finds you.'

Oh boy you've left me speechless!

Time to vent.

I was involved with an awkward situation this evening. I personally believe that I attract creepy men. I often feel like weak prey for creepy people to pounce on.

Tonight I was hit on by a 3o something year old guy at my work place. This person was sober from my observation. Firstly I am forbidden to 'hook up' with guests at my workplace. Although it is the environment where the situation arises. Security cameras fortunately stop this temptation. Although this situation I was not tempted.

If you come to my workplace with your wife and child you would have to think I was stupid to think that I would be a homewrecker. I also don't hit on someone while they're working. Its not the kinda place you would like to be hit on. It's not fair. I have to be professional. Anything I say or do while at work could affect my employment. I don't like to be sneaky its the reason I don't like 'hookups' I'm not looking for just sex I want passion I want love. Does it exist in the gay world?

This guy assured me that he has never done this before but wanted to do something later. He even offered to rent a room at a hotel. He was persistent. He didn't give up. He kept asking if I was shy and if I had changed my mind. I asked him what his wife thought of this. He was quite shocked by this question and said he didn't have a wife but had a girlfriend. He also told me he was only in town for the evening.

Who are these people? Is this situation actually that bad? I felt sick to my stomach. I saw his wife. I saw his kid. Are you a closeted married man? Or are you simply curious? I don't like rejection but I was firm. I told you several times I wasn't interested. Why go that bit further and just creep me out.

Its got me thinking though. One of my colleagues tried to 'In' me. He said he knows I'm gay but has never seen me hit on someone or allowed someone to hit on me. Should I just loosen up a bit and go with the flow? Am I putting to much pressure on what I want and not living in the moment? So confused right now.

On another note what is the deal with straight guys? When they find out I'm gay theyre like I won't go all the way with you but we could fool around. I mean thats hot but straight guys can fuck with your head! I've got a whole other post to write about straight guys uhh! Where are the normal people?

Any thoughts? Am I being stupid?

Andrew

Love love love! I want your love!

So a couple of you have asked for an update on my crush. I've got good and bad news. The overall deal is 'Blah' I don't know what to think or how to feel. See my previous post if you don't know what I'm talking about.

So we were at the local club a week later. All my friends knew I had a thing for him so when he walked over my friends conveniently disappeared and he said to me "They were talking about me weren't they". I grew some balls and replied "its just because I think you're cute" to which he said nothing! From there one of my friends was chatting to him and she asked what his 'type' was and apparently I'm not it. My friend politely broke the news to me with 2 shots of jager ready to go! That night ended with me incredibly drunk and heartbroken. Its funny to say heartbroken when I barely know him but I honestly felt heartbroken. It's fun to have a crush regardless if nothing happens its just fun to have someone you're hoping to run into or someone to look good for :) Maybe I was crushbroken.

From there I was in the 'Fuck him!' stage and was just annoyed. Then a few days later he approaches me at work when he's quite drunk and I'm completely sober and says "Can I have a word with you?". We step over to the side as I mentally prepare myself for a second rejection face to face. He leans in and says "What are you doing later tonight I was hoping we could hang out." If you could see my face it would have had that 'WTF' expression. I was so confused. It sounded like he wanted a one night stand which is not what I'm looking for. I really just want a boyfriend. I told him I was busy but maybe some other time.

I really don't know what to do about this one. I don't think we really 'click' personality wise. I don't know if I'm putting to much pressure on the situation but I just don't have anything to talk to him about. I just don't know what to say when he's around.

Do you guys have any thoughts? Am I going down a dead end road?

Andrew

I think I'm in crush!

Happy New Years to everyone! I hope 2010 is going to be your year! My new years was pretty boring... actually the entire holiday season was quite boring.. I worked through the whole period including Christmas day and a 15 hour shift on New Years Eve which rolled into New Years day. But I made the most of it and made some good money.

2010 has started off with a bit of a crush which I'm excited about. I'm completely unaware when someone is hitting on me. Probably cause its in a drinking environment and I've had a few too many. But I was just chatting to this random guy who was with a friend who I assumed was his girlfriend and well my friends came and dragged me onto the dancefloor and I thought nothing of it. The odd thing was that I kept bumping into him all night and I still didnt think anything of it until the next day when my friend asked who he was and told me that he kept trying to dance with me. I really don't have alot of evidence but thinking back it feels like maybe he was trying to hit on me.

I didnt even think he was gay not that you can look at someone and tell but I just wasnt getting the vibe. OMG he is so cute and was so sweet to talk to. The good thing is is that I live in a small touristy town and everyone goes to this club on the same night every week and one of my friends said he was there last week also so fingers crossed he's there next week.

*UPDATE* HE IS GAY! I kinda stalked him on facebook.. my bad

So what is everyones New Years resolutions? I wanna have a healthier lifestyle and get out and see some more of the world.

MEERY CHRISTMAS + UPDATE

Howdy ya'll!

Firstly Merry Christmas all! I'm enjoying my first white christmas here in Canada.. its a bit odd having -40 temperatures around this time of year.. I'm used to +40 but the change is good. Sipping on spiced rum and egg nog and having fun in the snow. I love it! I hope wherever you are in the world that this time of year brings you happiness! It really makes me appreciate my friends and family back home when I'm in a foreign country with people I've know 6 months and not a lifetime!

So I kinda don't know what to blog about these days. I kinda wanna talk about sex/relationships/partying etc. but its kinda weird writing it down. 2009 has been a life changing year for me. Ups and downs but mainly ups!

This blog is constantly in the back of my head.. I miss the joy of sharing with all of you. I don't know if anyone still reads this but if you are then thank you!

I'll be posting in the new year about sex, snowboarding, straight guys, discrimination, acceptance and more! Can't wait to share.

Happy Holidays!

Love Andy

BRB

Well its been a while since I last posted. I've kinda lost my enthusiasm to share my life. I guess its because all communication I have these day with friends/family is now by internet I feel like I'm constantly typing the same things to people back home.

So much has happened in the last few months I feel like a completely new person. I've always been a happy/positive person and now I'm like a new level of happy lol. Its hard to describe but I will blog about it soon.

So I kinda turned my back on the blogosphere. I havent read blogs, I havent been checking my inbox and I've let down a couple of special people. So I'm sorry but its definately not goodbye. I guess when so much is happening its important to live in the moment. I love having my blog but I think its more important to live in the real world too. I'm still trying to find that balance.

I hope to be posting regularly again soon. and catching up on my favourite blogs. I miss you guys :)

Andrew